Come Fly With Me...

Flying, it is most certainly a popular form of transport. I remember my grandfather saying that when it first came out he would say ‘It’ll never catch on, people hate planes and flying, the sound of planes just brings back the memories of falling bombs, of roofs falling in on your heads, crashing, banging, screaming. A screaming that will forever be ringing in your ears. Planes, they bring nothing but death’ but now look at them! Every Tom, Dick and Harry are constantly flying around in their air planes showing off and doing twirly whirlies and flippy flops and big dippers. The ‘magic’ of flight is now employed so Mr and Mrs Fannyknacker can just run over to Asda in Greece or WHATEVER. All we do is fly now. Did you know that the average person spends 79% of their lives on board an in-flight aeroplane?


Yeah. That’s right. But how do we get to these airports that everyone is talking about? Trains are clearly the best option but sometimes some people want to actually park and leave their car sitting around in a bloody car park for two weeks or something! Yeah, you can save a bit of money by pre-booking your parking ( and you can maybe do a couple of other things to lower the price of everything.


All these people driving in their little cars and taking them to the airport and parking them up and going in. It’s preposterous, really, truly preposterous. I hate it and I hate you.


5 Step Program
  1. CHANGE EVERY THING This our first step. We need to change the way we eat, change the way we drink, change the way we look at each other. We need to change how we conceive of travel, how we conceive of public. We have no public transport in this country, we only have private transport. And that’s not good enough.
  2. SPEAK UP! When something’s not good enough, speak up! We need to speak up because no one else will ever speak up for us ever.
  3. KNOW YOUR ENEMY Yes, that’s right, you have an enemy. Oh, didn’t you know? Well, that’s because your enemy has paid people to tell you that they are your friend but they are not your friend, not one little bit!
  4. KILL YOUR ENEMY This may be a metaphor. But then again it may not be. How does that make you feel? How far are you willing to go?
  5. ESTABLISH A NEW RULE. There will always be enemies. You must stamp them out.